Touched by Grace

Yesterday morning I went outside to scoop the dog poop, my morning ritual of shoveling up dog poop so the guys laying down the tile in our bathroom don't step in it and track it into our house.  And I was struck with all the fall leaves that littered my lawn, sparkling in the morning sun as if my granddaughter had bedazzled their edges.  I have gotten away from my mornings surveying the world around me, just me, my dog and a cup of coffee. And I'm the worst for it. Nature inspires me like no other, the natural changes that I have absolutely no control over.  How to make peace with her I wonder as I rummage for my gloves in my winter coat pocket. This morning I marveled at all the tired maple, oak and aspen leaves outlined in ice and thought about transitions.  This big-tooth aspen leaf, leading the last of its days, encircled in frost that has descends during the night beckoned me.  It's then that I looked around at my begonias all deflated, limp, ready for the dump into the woods.  Ugly as they return to the earth unlike this leaf that seems to be touched by grace.  Transitions and changes that are predictable and yet not.  I am reminded that it's how I react to all the changes, the constant motion around me that I have little say over, that determines how I feel.  How happy I am.  How eager I am for the day.  It's not my old dog easing down her last path on earth and her unsteadiness on her feet but how I spend the time we have left saying good bye and how ya doin?  I stroke her soft blonde hair and feel the warmth of her body, smile into her wide and trusting eyes that stare back at me asking for a cookie. It's how I care for my own body, mind and soul as I age, as the days and nights march on.  That's what matters.  It's the moments I stop to listen to the still of nature waving at me as I sit in my jammies in the warmth of my cozy home.  Bundle up!  Grab the wool hat in the closet, the puffy coat hanging just under, the big knit sweater that will warm my soul.  I still can't control so much in my life or what happens around the world breaking my heart and making me wring my hands till they are raw, but taking my morning walks and heading the call reminds me that my life is right here and right now. It's the moments. And they can all be touched by grace.