Good Vibes Most of the Time

When I was sixteen I volunteered at the University of Washington Hospital, in Washington State.  There was an elegant and poised young woman who either laid flat on a gurney or was strapped into a wheelchair.  She lived in the hospital.  She had severed her spine at the neck as a teen and was in her early twenties.  When on the gurney, she was propped up and positioned into a gentle sphinx pose which allowed her to chat.  That beautiful, articulate young woman made a huge impression on my impressionable self who wasn't too happy back then.  I asked her why she wasn't more upset with her "condition."  "I'm just dealing with what I have and making the best of it."  She responded with a genuine and broad smile.  I wished I could be as happy as she I thought back then when my body was able and strong but I was pretty much an unhappy emotional wreck.  She could do nothing to make her spine listen to her head but she could determine to find happiness.  Life hits up upside the noggin.  Sometimes over and over.  I could go on and on about my mentally ill mother who made me so on edgy and anxious that I blocked my entire childhood from my memory.  The lost years.  Or I could cry every night about how my brother lived on the street, selling his body as a kid.  I wish I had known and done more.  Or I could wallow in desperation at my sister's cancer diagnosis (which I did do for a while with a 3-month long stomach ache).  I could have an anxiety attack over the meningioma I have in my brain that gets scanned yearly.  And fortunately stays the same and doing no harm.  But, I choose to not focus on those things.  Most days.  When I get up in the morning I review all the good in my life.  I actually sit or lay in bed for a moment.  My back might hurt.  I might not have slept well.   But, I get up and take the dog for a walk, go do some yoga or lift weights anyway.  I meditate, write, consciously do activities that I know make me happy and feel in life.  I give my husband an extra hug and soak up the love he offers back.  I get in the car and drive 20 minutes to take a ceramics class so I can commune with fellow mud women who are my peeps.  I bring my Positive Vibes Only stainless steel cup filled with green tea particularly when I'm really ready to pour dark black coffee into my Life Sucks Mug mug or maybe my favorite Shit Happens cup.  And I take a picture of those good vibes with my hands in the mud when my granddaughter asks what I'm up to. I hope I model for her how one can choose to lead their life.