Faux de Fleur

I am a novice and overwhelmed gardener.  Whenever I'm ready to yank a green leafy thing from one of my carefully mulched garden beds, cause the mulching part is easy, I pull out my iPhone and click on the PictureThis app.   Weed or not a weed,  I muse to myself.   "Look at that damn azalea."  I tell my friend who has a green thumb the size of one of those twenty-feet tall Guardians of the Seed trolls that lord over Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens.  She's passing the front door on her way around back.  "Oh, she's just shy."  My friend smiles.  Shy?  I laugh to myself.  Feed them.  Don't feed them.  Give them more water.  Less water.  More sun might work.  No, more shade.   Check for bugs, mold, root rot.  Talk to them.  How about ceramic flowers?  No need to water.  Not need to deadhead.  They laugh at their shy, needy neighbors.  They might even look good in the snow.  I give thanks to this trio of fake, generic blooms the color or a cloudless summer sky.